How Often Have I Said

How often have I said
It’s not how I thought it would be.

More often than I could count

 

What is it I am talking about?

Oh, so many things

Come to mind

 

Perhaps, the easy answer

Is, all things

What I have not seen before

 

What I have not done before

Who I am

Who I will become

 

You say, you want a definite answer

And I say, maybe it is who I will become

To be a Mother

 

By the time I thought I was getting it

It was over, I had done the job

Without realizing each day, each minute

You were growing to be the one you were meant to be

 

To be the artist I have become

I am still reaching

Always in search of

The answer to the current problem

 

The “day you left”

I thought I knew

How that would be

But I was not ready

 

Oh, if only I had it to do over again

Would it be different?

Would I be different?

 

The days that followed

The quiet

The loneliness

 

No, I had no idea

It is the intimate

The small

The daily counting of the minutes of the day

 

Make it rich

Make it matter

Do your best

 

So much still to come

And if I look closely

Am I doing any better today?

Or am I still falling for the easy answers

 

Some questions have no answers

Only direct one to another question

We have to live it

 

To feel it

To grow with it

Become it

 

Only then can we judge

If we live up to expectations

Make a list

And vow to do better next time